The quest for healing through conflict.

The quest for peace

Conflict is inevitable. Whether in the confines of our homes or out in the larger world, we all face it. Yet, how we handle conflict can shape our lives and relationships in profound ways. For one woman, Lucy, understanding conflict became a defining quest.

A Troubled Beginning

Growing up in the 21st century, Lucy was familiar with conflict. Her parents split when she was small, navigating 2 homes, 2 styles and approaches. She watched TV and saw conflict locally, and globally. Yet, she believed that people wanted to life in harmony. At home, conflict was a silent storm—sarcasm, silence, and disappointment were the weapons of choice. Voices were rarely raised, but the tension was palpable. Surly this was harmony right? Conflict wasn't discussed; it was buried deep and ignored. Lucy absorbed these patterns, thinking them normal.

When she ventured into the world, she encountered a spectrum of conflict styles—loud, aggressive shouting, stonewalling, and even outright contempt. These experiences shook her. Lucy realised that not only was she ill-equipped to handle these confrontations, but she also had an unhealthy relationship with conflict herself.

The Quest for Understanding

Driven by a desire to understand why people behaved the way they did, Lucy embarked on a quest. She wanted to explore the roots of conflict and find healthier ways to engage with it. Through her research, she discovered a fundamental truth—conflict is both normal and natural. The issue lies in how we handle it.

Most people are never taught how to skillfully express or hear differing ideas, views, or feelings. This lack of education leads to recurring conflicts. Lucy realized that if she could understand conflict better, she might help others do the same.

A New Mission

Lucy didn't want to eradicate conflict. Instead, she aimed to transform it into a force for good. Her mission was to teach people how to live with compassion, tolerance, and understanding. She believed that when new information, complaints, concerns, or objections arise, they should be seen as opportunities to learn rather than dismiss.

However, convincing others was no easy task. People were wary and scarred by past conflicts. Many were reluctant to accept that they might be part of the problem and preferred to blame others. Lucy needed to show them there was a better way.

The Turning Point

Lucy had been teaching people how to build teams and relationships, but she knew something was missing. She realised that intellectually understanding conflict didn't mean people were able to enter into it. During a tense cliebt meeting, she observed that even thought he enviroment was toxic, people would rather hang out in that, than actually choose to change together.

Knowing that she had exhausted her own skills, she embarked on 2 year quest to learn about systemic relationship coaching - the missing skill.

Returning to her work, she reconnected with the team. She was not surpised to find that little had changed, other than some team member changes. The behaviours, grudges, and toxic behaviours were still there.

Lucy saw her chance. Stepping forward, she addressed the room, "I hear lots of differing voices, and I also see that no one is really listening to each other. You are stuck in a pattern of behaviour that is serving you, but is not serving the business. I sense mistrust, frustration, and a harshness towards each other. How about I lead a discussion, allowing all voices to be really heard, and just see what emerges?"

Using her skills, Lucy invited all members into a ventilation session, where they could freely express themselves. The atmosphere shifted—a softening occurred as people felt heard. In this space of openness, something remarkable happened.

A quieter voice, often overlooked, finally spoke. This individual, having observed the dynamics for so long, had a unique perspective. They shared their insights, revealing that everyone in the team wanted the same outcome but had been fighting over approaches. This realisation brought a collective shift. The team members energy shifted, like a huge collective sigh of relief that someone had named it.

A New Path Forward

Lucy’s approach to conflict had made a difference. By fostering an environment where people could express themselves and feel heard, she had shown that conflict, when handled with compassion and understanding, could lead to growth and unity.

Her quest wasn't just about understanding conflict but about transforming it into an opportunity for learning and connection. Lucy's story reminds us that with the right approach, conflict can be a catalyst for positive change.

If Lucy's story resonates with you, consider how you handle conflict in your own life. Reflect on your patterns and seek opportunities to engage with compassion and understanding. For those ready to take a step further, reach out to our team of experts who can guide you on this transformative path. Together, we can learn to see conflict not as a barrier, but as a bridge to deeper connections and better solutions.